CHRISTIANITY - HUMOR



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Christianity - Humor


5/30/16

Classic Emails (2 pages)

The District Attorney of Bedford County Pennsylvania
is filing charges against a 14-year-old boy for what he did in the picture below.



Can you believe it - I didn't receive a single reply today ...

Is this microphone on?

UPDATE

The judge hands down the punishment


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12/12/15

People do not know what is in their own Bibles (3:30)

Here is an example which proves that the video was right on the money.
This picture was posted on the internet by a Christian attacking Islam:



Christians are constantly proving (in public)
that they have never actually opened and read ... their own holy book.


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7/22/15

Betty Bowers is affectionately known as "American's Best Christian."
It only took her 4 minutes to destroy ... "Goodwill Industries"




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5/12/15

A rich televangelist (driving the fancy car that Jesus bought him)
got careless and rolled it over ... with his wife in the car.

With so much going on in the world,
God was only able to protect one of them:

guess which one?



That God; what a guy, huh?
He protected the one bringing in all the money.

You can't say He isn't practical


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4/25/15

A brutal religious debate (7:32) between ...

Atheist Jamie Kilstein and Christian John Fugelsang

Sucked you in with the sensational title, didn't I?


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1/8/15

"Better" News Clubs

In case I get invited to be a guest speaker at a Better News Club,
I have prepared the following speech:

Ahem ... Uh ... So ...
(I put that in there because all the great speakers start out that way)
Their club tells you that you were born a worthless piece of shit,
deserving of eternal torture. Our club gives you the truth:
that you are one of the most amazing creatures to have ever existed on this planet.

Their club gives you fairy tales and tells you they are true.
We give you cool scientific facts ... which actually are  true.

At their club, you will spend spend a lot of time talking to yourself with your eyes closed,
and pretending that an invisible ghost is listening.
At our club you will close your eyes and imagine a universe
filled with all kinds of marvelous wonders.

At their club, you will be taught whom to hate.
At our club, you will be given the skills to battle the haters,
and the skills to contribute to making this world a better place.

At their club you will be taught to worship
an evil invisible monster who murders, enslaves, and tortures.
At our club you will learn how to free yourself
from the threats of their invisible monster ...

forever


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12/25/14

The Bible states

"And the wolf will dwell with the lamb,
And the leopard will lie down with the kid,
And the calf and the young lion and the fatling together;
And a little boy will lead them.
"
Isaiah 11:6 (NASB)



Okay, so we've kept our part of the prophecy ...

So where's Jesus?


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8/5/14

The contest to choose a new Christian symbol
to replace that gruesome execution device
is now over.

The runner-up was Ray Comfort's banana.

And the winner is ...

A circumcised penis

All crosses will be replaced by the new symbol as soon as possible
and may be worn, placed in public places, and included in all correspondence.

(No, I am not including a picture with this story)


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4/26/14

Pope John Paul II will soon be made a saint.
Sainthood requires two authenticated miracles.
With the help of God, and without the aid of modern medicine,
Pope John Paul healed two Parkinson’s sufferers!

(oddly, God refused to help Pope John Paul ... with his Parkinson's)


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4/25/14

There has been a lot of controversy surrounding
the claimed "miracles" of Pope John Paul 2

Finally, Pope John Paul answers his critics

Now maybe the Pope can finally rest in peace


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12/1/13

One of thee slimiest con artists in America
has finally found a way to make himself useful:
by providing nourishment for worms.



Well Paul, thanks for the photo op, but where you're goin,
I don't think you'll have much use for that finger anymore.

With the recent passing of Sylvia Browne (another classic American fraud)
it got me to wondering if that old saying were true ...
that these things often happen in threes;
and if true, whom can we anticipate, might soon join the other two?
Pat Robertson? Kevin Trudeau? Stanislaw Burzynski?

There are just so many great candidates to choose from.


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11/26/13

Starbucks has caved in to Christian pressure
and agreed to put Bible verses on its cups ...



Hey, I think I have an idea for their next cup


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11/25/13

Christians whine and complain every time an atheist billboard goes up.
They scream "religious discrimination!" in response to billboards
that do nothing more than reach out to atheists.

So now atheists have put up billboards that give Christians good reason to scream.



Nothing hurts ... like the truth


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11/21/13

My replies to God in "The Lord's Prayer"




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11/20/13

Costco put Bibles in the fiction section

Seems like they were labeled properly to me.
But I was more surprised by the price ($15).
Toilet paper is far cheaper ... and a lot more useful.


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6/28/13

Classic Emails (1 page)

Hey, Pastor Billy, from the looks of those tail feathers,
I get the impression that the bird is enjoying it ...
almost as much as you are.



(Pastor Billy Ball was also featured on podcast #242)


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6/22/13

Podcast #240 featured Ann Barnhardt and was titled
"A disturbing look into a Catholic mind"

Ann Barnhardt is a self-proclaimed virgin
(whether or not that is by choice ... she doesn't say)

When asked what she wants more than anything in the whole world,
this was her reply:




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5/19/13

Bill Maher expounding on Liberty University (4:37)




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3/6/13

The History Channel's "The Bible" (9:33)



Now that's the way a movie review should be done.


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11/26/12

Classic Emails (6 pages)

When all else fails ... talk to yourself.

Bill Keller at "Live Prayer.com"


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3/14/12

Fundamentalist Christians may be right about evolution:
they may not have evolved from monkeys.
Every time a natural disaster strikes,
religious leaders tell their 'flocks' that it was God,
and after 2,000 years, they still fall for it ... every single time.

Even monkeys aren't that stupid


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2/16/12

John Fugelsang on Jesus (2:23)



If you liked it, you can watch the whole show (41:35) by clicking it near the end.


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12/8/12

It turns out that Bill O'Reilly was right ...
Christianity is not a religion - it is a philosophy.

And here to back up O'Reilly with 8 powerful pieces of evidence is Edward Current.




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2/4/12

Bill Maher frees Ann Romney's dad from Mormon Heaven.
Which I guess means ... her dad is now in Hell (6:04)




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12/4/11

Neo meets the Black Knight (Vox Day)

When a Rationalist faces off against a Reality-Denier ...
the outcome is inevitable (2:55)



To see this massacre you can either listen to, or read, podcasts 169-173.


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3/5/11

The point is not, how mean this cartoon is;
the point is, how absolutely true it is.




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2/12/11



Who wouldn't want to worship such a great guy, right?


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8/9/10

I have a new suspect in the case of Touchdown Jesus
(the statue that burned down when struck by lightning).

After finding the following verse, I realized
that I may have jumped to the wrong conclusion when I blamed Allah.

Exodus 20:5 "... for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God ..."



This may help explain why God really sent Jesus down to be tortured on a cross.


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6/21/10

Here's proof that women can find equality in the Bible:

2 Chronicles 15:13
"That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel
should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
"


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1/26/10

Let's take a break and watch some standup with Jim Jefferies (9:52)




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5/21/07

Bill Maher honors the death of Jerry Falwell (4:11)




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Christian Hypocrisy


7/18/17

Think televangelists are evil?

Well, many of them are. But Ken Ham could give them a run for their money ...



I guess Ken Ham never read the part in the Bible about

"Render unto Caesar ...."


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5/13/17

Trump spoke at Liberty University
where they teach Young-Earth Creationism as scientific fact.
It is a university where a diploma carries less prestige
than a roll of toilet paper (and isn't anywhere near as useful).

In 2016, Forbes' list of America's Top Colleges ranked Liberty University ...

651th out of 660 rated colleges

Here's an article on Trump's speech

Trump said:
"America is a nation of true believers …
When the pilgrims landed at Plymouth, they prayed ....
"

(and then they promptly went out and stole two continents from weaker people
murdering tens of millions of them in the process.
Trump kinda left that part out)

The article also said:
"The address also appeared to connect religion
to the president’s willingness to increase military action in the Middle East,
such as dropping the MOAB bomb on Afghanistan.
Falwell in particular praised Trump for
'bomb[ing] those … who were persecuting Christians,'
and the president noted during his speech that Americans will be
'hearing a lot about [military actions] next week from our generals'.
"

Jesus must be so proud of how well His Christians have followed His teachings.


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3/1/17

The hypocrisy of American Conservative Christians ...

on display for the whole world to see (6:18)

Those phony Christians even make Jesus puke.


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2/2/17

Believers cannot be harmed by poison (Mark 16:16-18):

"He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved;
but he that believeth not shall be damned.
And these signs shall follow them that believe;
In my name shall they cast out devils;
they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents;
and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them;
they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
"

Let's see a show of hands:
How many of you believe that Conservative Christians
who claim to believe in the literal truth of every word in the Bible ...

will put their belief to the test to prove their sincerity?

Well, actually some have.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your perspective),
those who did, aren't around any more to ask for a do-over.


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12/9/16

I challenged a Ghost Worshiper to explain why he worships a hideous monster
who bragged about murdering countless innocent Egyptian babies
and then created a holiday (Passover) to celebrate the slaughter.
When his distraction technique failed - he ran away to his "Safe Space."

Classic Emails (3 pages)


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8/3/16

Here is Christian Apologist and internet sensation - David Wood



And here he is when he is not taunting and trying to humiliate gay people



(Personally, I think he looked better in drag.
In street clothes he looks too much like an SS guard.
If those eyes were any closer together ... his ears would touch)

Anyway, long story short, Wood appeared on an interview with Gad Saad ...

where he made this confession (3 pages)

Ah Christianity ...
Providing a refuge for humanity's most evil monsters for nearly 2,000 years


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2/3/16

With all the things that the people of Corpus Christi
could have spent a million dollars on,
guess what they chose to spend it on ...



And yet they can't quite figure out why the Bible Belt leads the nation
in poverty, illiteracy, crime, and other assorted ills.

Maybe Jesus doesn't like them quite as much as they would like to believe?
After all - His Father made His feelings about idols very clear in ...

The 10 Commandments


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6/21/15

The Pope calls out the NRA and the U.S. military-industrial complex ...

"They aren't Christians ... they are hypocrites"


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3/31/15

Florida realized that it had better legalize adultery fast
or half a million of its citizens might find themselves ...

behind bars


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1/22/15

The picture on the left shows the statue before Christians attacked.
The picture on the right shows the statue after Christians attacked.



"Those who made off with the sea god left a wooden cross in its place
with the words "You shall have no other gods before me "

I guess the pious thieves never read as far as the 8th Commandment:
"Thou shalt not steal "

Aren't Ghost Worshipers precious?

Always 100% oblivious ... to their own hypocrisy


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11/14/14

Venture capitalist Dave Cowan looks at Christianity from ...

a business perspective


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10/9/14

Christian persecution complex (4 pages)

If you find yourself getting bored with all this rationality,
and you are just looking to read something really delusional
to add some variety to your existence ...

It doesn't get much more delusional than this


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8/12/14

"Dusty" thanks Christians for showing everyone
just how disgusting their religion really is (4:13)

The aftermath of Robin Williams' suicide in the eyes of some Christians


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5/28/14

What does religion have in common with drug lords and Plutocrats?

For every dollar you give them,
they throw back a shiny nickel
and then strut around trumpeting their generosity,
and point out that without them -
you wouldn't have that shiny nickel.

What you need to realize is, that without them ...

you would still have the dollar


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12/29/13

Do you remember this interview between
journalist Wolf Blitzer and an atheist tornado victim?

Do ya thank the Lord? (1:55)

I love this guy.
Especially at the end when he talks about
all those smug, selfish Ghost Worshipers eating off FEMA trucks ...

PRICELESS!


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12/4/13

So was God ever married?
and if so, how did that marriage work out?

Aholah and Aholibah

Do you really think this guy, God, is in a position to be giving marital advice?


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12/2/13

Hobby Lobby takes hypocrisy to a whole new level.

These Christians buy their products ... from China

So it has nothing to do with Christian values after all.
As we already suspected, it's all about the money;
and where religion is concerned ... it always is.


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11/12/13

Classic Emails (4 pages)

Christian Nationalist David Wood learns the hard way
that sometimes you're better off ...

staying under your rock


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10/23/13

Christians brag about how charitable they are.

Spartansburg, South Carolina Soup Kitchen

I think this story makes it clear WHY they are being charitable.
By their own admission ... they are drumming up new business.


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8/16/13

Want to read a great story that demonstrates
the love and tolerance of Conservative Christians?

Iraqi war veteran and amputee, booed by Texas Christians

That story was best summed up by the saying, often attributed to Ghandi:

"I like your Christ. I don't like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
"


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8/13/13

Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council
got tired of people calling his Christian group "The American Taliban"
so like a little kid on a playground, he threw it back
and called atheists "The American Taliban."

So who is right?



Game ... set ... and match


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6/18/13

2 examples (out of thousands) of Christian hypocrisy. First up:

4 out of 5 Christian divorcees want gays
to stop undermining the sanctity of marriage.



And second, Christians are apparently okay
with ignoring the parts of the Bible they don't like.




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5/30/13



Homosexuality has been found in more than a thousand species.

Homosexual hate has only been found ...

in one


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4/4/13

Just how brazen are televangelists?

(2:11)



There is no limit to how low they can stoop.
Sadly, there is also no limit to how gullible and stupid their followers are, either.

(Yes, that was the son of Kent Hovind, convicted felon and servant of God.
Like they say "The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.")


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10/26/12

Up for a test?

Who said it?

The only real difference?

One ghost rides a camel


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7/29/12

Christian John Fugelsang destroys literal Fundamentalists (3:07)




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6/10/12

Creflo Dollar, stands out as one of the slimiest of the slimeballs.

Megachurch Preacher Arrested for Attacking His Daughter

As if what he did weren't bad enough,
he makes it even worse by blaming it on her.
Apparently, she's in league with Satan.
He calls everything she said, a lie
(so I guess the sister who corroborated her story was lying too).

Boy, that Satan, what lengths he will go to.
No wonder Christians hate him so much.

But without him ...

they would actually have to take responsibility for their own actions.


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3/12/12

Pastor Mike Stahl is proposing a national registry for "avowed" atheists,
just like we have now for sex offenders and other convicted felons.



Like most Christians, Pastor Shithead never reads his bible.

Leviticus 19:28 - "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead,
nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.
"


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3/5/12

Kirk Cameron REALLY hates fags.
(In fact, I heard that Westboro Baptist has just approved his application)

He had better hope the church doesn't get ahold of these pictures
or his house might be the next target of their picket signs.



UPDATE

So how do Kirk's fellow "child actors" feel about him?


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11/14/11

Well, everything else around here is ass backwards ...
why not our money too?




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10/17/11

American Cancer Society rejects a half million dollars from atheists (3:02)



I think the guy got it right.
The American Cancer Society is only partly to blame.
If they take the 1/2 million - they will risk losing many times that amount
from Christian hate groups who will boycott them.
More kids will die if they take the atheist's money.
Put the blame where it belongs ...
on the Christian hate groups who would sacrifice the lives of cancer-stricken children
rather than cooperate with others who don't share their belief in invisible ghosts.


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6/8/11

Look what Jesus taught Kirk Cameron:
How to make fun of disabled people who have a terminal disease (Stephen Hawking)



Email reply to Cameron's agent

UPDATE

Last night, the actor who portrayed Stephen Hawking
in the movie "The Theory of Everything"
received the Oscar for Best Actor.

So how did Cameron and his movie "Saving Christmas" do?

Cameron slaughtered Hawking by winning 4 awards!
(1) Worst Movie               
(2) Worst Screenplay      
(3) Worst Screen Combo
(4) Worst Actor                

(Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that Cameron's awards were "Razzies")

And just to add insult to injury, the internet movie database (IMDB)
rated "Saving Christmas" as the worst movie of all time.

Let's put that in perspective, shall we?

And here is part of Kirk's acceptance speech:

"And I would like to thank Jesus, without Whom,
none of this would have been possible.
"


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9/3/10

1 Corinthians 11:14
"Doth not even nature itself teach you, that,
if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
 "



That's where we got the phrase
"Do as I say ... not as I do."


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9/2/10

What have I always said?

To find the truth, take everything Conservative Christians say,
and turn it around 180 degrees.

You'll be amazed ... it works every time.



The Christian lie: there are no atheists in foxholes.
The truth: see picture above.


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Christian Perversion


11/4/15

Nothing displays the horror of religion quite as well as does this story
about a church leader who was sentenced to 50 years in prison ...

for the serial rape of a child

As this story proves, the rapist isn't the only monster in that little town.
In fact, he is pretty representative of the fact
that this poor little girl was raised and brutalized in a town of monsters.

Thank God (pun intended) ... for that judge


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5/23/15

Josh Duggar is the eldest child in the family made famous
by the reality TV show: "19 kids and counting"

But Josh had a dark side:
he sexually preyed upon his vulnerable little sisters.

His celebrity has granted him influence with powerful people;
and when powerful people have powerful connections,
this is how the law works "differently" for them ...




Hey, looky what else I found on the internet:

another picture of that incestuous little freak
and his defender - the world's biggest h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-e



I think this classic quote from John Fugelsang
sums up Mike Huckabee best ...

"Mike Huckabee is like a one-man atheist factory"

And science has also weighed in on
the Josh Duggar child molestation/incest tragedy.
This sad revelation has added evidence to the theory
that not all humans evolved from the same ancestors.
Some scientists now believe that the Duggars are one such example.



Despite the strong evidence in this case,
many evolutionists still consider this theory "just a theory"

But wait! Don't go away yet - there's more:

These were Poppa "Jim Bob" Duggar's true feelings on the matter,
before he found out that his own son was jack-hammering his sisters

(click on this picture of America's most dysfunctional Christian family)



And now, a couple of months after that story broke
the Devil dealt another blow to Josh Duggar:

Little Joshey was cheating on his wife

The best part of the story was this quote from Duggar's wife,
taken after the original scandal broke about Josh's incestuous activities,
but before the Ashley Madison hacking scandal:

"And when you, our sweet fans, first met me
when Josh asked me to marry him...
I was able to say, “Yes” knowing who Josh really is -
someone who had gone down a wrong path
and had humbled himself before God
and those whom he had offended.
Someone who had received the help needed
to change the direction of his life and do what is right.
I want to say thank you to those
who took time over a decade ago
to help Josh in a time of crisis.
Your investment changed his life
from going down the wrong path
to doing what is right.
"

(anyone care to ask her ... how she feels now?)

Aren't these Tea Party Christians a scream?

Sometimes these people make my job ...

Waaaaay too easy

Wait!

Another Update: Josh is like the gift that just keeps on giving ...

Hardened prostitute says she was terrified by Duggar's rough sex
which occurred while his wife was pregnant with their 4th child




Whatever happened to the good old days
of good old Christian family values?

(They never existed)




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4/24/13

The World's Creepiest Preacher (5:42)

My first thought was that it would not be possible to pick the world's creepiest preacher
out of a pool of candidates so large and so strong.
But after watching this video, this is one guy who is definitely ...

somewhere near the top


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